Yugen 36 Enhancing Personal Awareness by using the Egogram

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.         ― Rumi

Lets first understand the concept of Egogram. Egogram is a graphical representation on the degree in which a person makes use of the different functional ego states.An Egogram is simply defined as: ‘a bar graph showing the relationship of the parts of the personality to each other and the amount of psychological energy emanating outward .Egogram is a visual representation of how individual psychic energy is distributed throughout her functional ego states . The egogram is a relationship diagram, depicting the amount of energy a person uses externally or actively as she relates to others.

Egogram is an intuitive way of showing the functional ego state parts of our personality.It is shown as a bar graph showing the amount of energy within the ego structure of the person and how he/she re-distributes this energy within the different ego states at a given point in time. As these are functional manifestations of ego states, this refers to behaviours and not internal processes.(which would need to be represented by structural analysis). It may not be consistent across environments e.g., Home and work, but it is a useful way of describing personality functioning and identifying change strategies. This was developed by Jack Dusay in 1972 who received the eric berne memorial award in 1973.A person learns to respond from certain ego states at certain times to get what she wants. Different people tend to spend varying amounts of time and energy in different ego states and these tendencies can be illustrated by egograms.

How do you construct your own Egogram ?

The Egogram gives an evaluation of the distribution of energy in the personality, and it can be used by the individual to show how much energy is needed to be re-distributed to other parts of the personality to make positive change. It is simple to construct and use. Draw a horizontal line on a piece of paper. Underneath, label the five ego states – adapted child, free child, adult, controlling parent and nurturing parent. Think of yourself at this particular time or at a specific moment in the past, draw whatever you feel is the most energised part of your personality, and draw it with a vertical line. (This will be your highest column.)Now, using your intuition, draw the lowest energised part of your personality as it is in comparison with the other. (This will be the lowest column.)Then fill in the other states as you see them in comparison with the above.

Having done the exercise, you should have now an egogram of the distribution of your energy within your personality at a given time. This will help you see where you might need at certain times to re-distribute your energy to help solve problems in life or therapy.Internal egogram is an egogram drawn by an individual herself to disclose her internal experience. Composite egogram is drawn by asking ten members to draw my egogram and then taking an average of the same.

For e.g. I experienced a High internal controlling parent message,” do as I tell you”, and responded from my Adapted Child by bowing my head and standing still and quiet. My internal egogram drawn by me , showed a very high Controlling Parent  and very high Adaptive Child and a very low Free Child, whereas  my transactional egogram drawn by others  showed a low Controlling Parent, a high Nurturing Parent  and a high Adapted Child.During and post my TA studies when I drew my egogram ,there was a significant increase in my Adult, Nurturing Parent and Free child and reduction in my Controlling Parent and Adaptive Child.

Constancy of hypothesis :Jack Dusay suggests in his book on Egograms, when the energy in one Ego state increases, the energy in another Ego state decreases, which means that one can successfully distribute one’s energy from one Ego state to another. Egograms are based on constancy hypothesis which states that the amount of psychic energy within a person remains constant. . (2.). When one ego state increases in intensity, another or others must decrease in order to compensate. The shift in psychic energy occurs so that the total amount of energy may remain constant. The general principle used in the egogram is using this to emphasise on raising the lower ego state than lowering the higher ones.

For Eg : When I started my focus on enhancing my Adult awareness, automatically my Free Child increased and my Critical Parent and Adaptive Child decreased.

My experience of transformation using egogram:

I had a high CP  and AC this coming from living a very disciplined and instruction led life . A strongly laid down rule book   at home while growing up, led to a high AC in me, lowering my FC and A. When I became a mother, I was conditioned to think and behave that child should be disciplined by strict parents. This increased my CP  and reduced my A. With the study of TA and conscious awareness and work on myself on a continuous basis, I have enhanced my A and NP and FC substantially. Due to constancy hypothesis automatically,  this has resulted in a decrease in my CP and AC. Indeed, having used Egograms successfully in my own self-evaluation, I can see graphically, the kind of person I am  and  it  shows me  the way  I can positively change to be the person that I want to be in my life today.

CPo +NPo +Ao+ACo+FCo =Ko    where Ko represents a constant figure.

1. You can learn what kind of person you are, and also about others to whom you relate.
2. If we want to become effective helpers, then we need to become aware of the way(s)
   in which we tend to communicate and seek to have more control over choosing
   how we communicate.
3. People can see for themselves what they need to change.

Changing involves an important principle of life  “Whatever you give attention to, grows, and whatever you don’t give attention to, diminishes.”

Yugen No 35 Understanding the dynamics of the PAC model

The wound is the place where the Light enters you.     ― Rumi

The process of analysing personality in terms of ego states is called structural analysis. Eric Berne defined an ego state as a consistent pattern of feeling and experience directly related to a corresponding consistent pattern of behaviour. Structural analysis is the analysis of the individual psyche.

FIRST AND SECOND ORDER STRUCTURAL MODEL  :A COMPARISON

First order of Structural Analysis is looking at how two people interact with each other from their various ego states. Second order Structural Analysis is about studying the interaction between one’s own ego states and how that plays out in relationship with problem.           

At any given time, a person experiences and manifests his or her personality through a mixture of behaviours, thoughts, and feelings .There are three ego-states that people consistently use.

FIRST ORDER STRUCTURAL MODEL :

Parent (“exteropsyche”): The Parent ego state refers to the behaviours, thoughts and feelings that are copied, learned or even borrowed from our parents, parental figures, or significant others.

Adult (“neopsyche”): Learning to strengthen the Adult is a goal of TA. While a person is in the adult ego state, he/she is directed towards an objective appraisal of reality.

Child (“archaeopsyche”): a state in which people behave, feel, and think similarly to how they did in childhood. The Child is the source of emotions, creation, recreation, spontaneity, and intimacy.

SECOND ORDER STRUCTURAL MODEL :

The second order structure refers to the subdivision of Parent and Child ego states.                                                                          

Each one of us has unaccountable number of experiences of thoughts, feelings and behavior stored away in memory. The purpose of the second order structural model is to classify these memories in a useful way, with in our framework of ego states. These networks form ego state structures that operate partly consciously and partly unconsciously. The conscious part is observable as distinct ego states, and through further investigation, the operation of unconscious parts, which can be thought of as ego state relational units , can be discovered as well. The structural model classifies stored memories and strategies. The complexity of the second order analysis clarifies how a person may respond in many different ways to a single stimulus.

P2- 6 years onwards      A2-18-36 months    C2- P1-3-6 years           A1-  6-18 months               C1-  0-6 months

  Parent ego state :

P3(Parent in Parent ): This is a store house of messages which may be passed down in generations, facts which are not true today. This is messages we receive from our parents, grandparents ,teachers, influential elders in family and society.

For e.g., Hurry up. Mother is screaming at me for being slow. Mother is ignoring me because she is angry with me. Girls are a burden  and should not be loved. Don’t give girls any gifts . Don’t make girls feel special.

A3(Adult in Parent ):   the reason of the messages and why are they important.

For e.g., Hold your baby brother carefully ,or he will fall.

C3(Child in Parent) : Any secret or covert implications of the messages. For e.g. Having a baby brother is fun.

Adult ego state :

A2 – computer . It is based on data and thoughts. Our own thinking about the message. This about reality testing, here and now thinking and feeling.

For e.g. When mummy puts her hands on her hips, she is very angry with me.

Child ego state :

P1(Parent in Child): Magical parent or electrode for e.g. I must not cry and give up. I have to be strong to survive. I have no one to pamper and take care of me . I will have to grow up on my own and take care of myself. I have to study hard, work hard and earn money to exist and be accepted by my parents. My parents don’t want me .They don’t love me. I am a burden to them.

A1(Adult in Child): little professor.  For e.g.  Whenever I spill milk mother gets mad at me. Mother doesn’t approve of me petting my infant brother. I need to take permission before eating something or else mother will get angry. I must never demand anything. I should not throw tantrums in front of others.

C1(Child in Child) : For e.g. My granny hugging me at sleep, my masi comforting me after me being scolded by my mother, my father giving me a good beating. If I act nice ,everyone will love me. No one wants me near them. No one hugs me because they don’t love me.

Relevance  of PAC model in life experiences:

A young child records almost everything in her parent. Parent tapes like C1 memories are recorded experiences of past events which once formed become part of the persons physiology. These experiences are stored in the chemistry of the organs and muscle tones. No amount of new experiences can truly erase these recordings, since they will always be a part of the persons history.

For e.g. If a person was abused as a child, even years of positive nurturing experience in adulthood will not change the reality of her past abuse. however, once the new experiences are also part of the persons parent, her child may select which of these tapes she will replay.

Yugen # 34 Transactional Analysis – A Brief Introduction

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Rumi

Transactional Analysis is a theory of Personality and systematic psychotherapy for personal development and personal change. This concept was given by Eric Berne.Eric Berne was born on May 10, 1910, in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, as Eric Lennard Bernstein. He was the son of David Hillel Bernstein, MD, a general practitioner, and Sarah Gordon Bernstein, a professional writer and editor. His only sibling, his sister Grace, was born five years later. The family immigrated to Canada from Poland and Russia. Berne’s father died of tuberculosis when Berne was 11. His mother then supported herself and her two children working as an editor and writer. She encouraged her son to follow in his father’s footsteps and to study medicine. After completing his one-year internship in 1936, he began his psychiatric residency at the Psychiatric Clinic of Yale University School of Medicine, where he worked for two years.

He developed the tripartite scheme used today (Parent, Adult, and Child), introduced the three-circle method of diagramming it, showed how to sketch contaminations, labelled the theory, “structural analysis”, and termed it “a new psychotherapeutic approach”.By the 1970s, because of TA’s non-technical and non-threatening jargon and model of the human psyche, many of its terms and concepts were adopted by eclectic therapists as part of their individual approaches to psychotherapy. Within the framework of transactional analysis, more recent transactional analysts have developed different and overlapping theories of transactional analysis: cognitive, behavioural, relational, redecision, integrative, constructivist, narrative, body-work, positive psychological, personality adaptational, self-reparenting, psychodynamic and neuro constructivist

Berne was influenced by many teachers who influenced his thinking and inspired him to work on this field for therapy to patients. Professor Eugen Kahn, German Psychiatrist and Eric Berne teacher on psychoanalytic theories,Dr. Paul Federn Austrian ,American psychologist spoke of functions of ego formation,Professor Erik Erikson, German American developmental Psychologist and Psychoanalyst worker and taught Eric Berne on psychotherapy and Sigmund Freud, Austrian neurologist laid the foundation of phenomena of transference and resistance and multi- faceted components of personality

Assumptions  and Principles in TA :

(1)People are OK. This is the fundamental acceptance that regardless of what you do, no matter what you think, or despite your feelings you are a worthwhile, valuable person in your own right. You are special. Everyone is special. We are all as important as each other. This is a statement of essence and not behaviour.

My personal takeaways from this are

• You and I both have worth, value and dignity.
• You accept me as me and I accept you as you.
• We are all equal and no one is one up on the other.
• I recognise your presence in my life and acknowledge you for being you and vice versa.
• I will not attempt to change people to suit my needs ,although the person has a different appearance and qualities that do not fit into my frame .
• I will accept people openly for what they are over what they do and have.
• I must respect everybody and accept them as they are.
• Positive reinforcement increases the feeling of OKness in all of us.
• Each person has validity, importance and equality of respect.
• Each of us deserves positive strokes because we all co -exist.
• I must positively stroke and accept the damaged and unaccepted  parts of my personality to heal myself. I can change myself by stroking the rejected part and making it unite with the accepted part of my personality.
• My awareness of myself and my behaviour with people around me will heal me of my damages, pain and suffering.

2) We can all think. If we have all got the capacity to think then we have all got the capacity to work out what we want and work out how to get there.

My personal takeaways from this are

• Everyone who has a functional brain can think.
• Everyone can decide and live the consequences of their choices
• I should not underestimate anyone’s ability to think and decide.
• I should not look down or judge anyone’s capabilities.
• All have a basic lovable core and desire for personal growth.

3)People decide their own destiny and have the power to change these decisions at any time. If we got to where we are today because of the decisions that we made then it’s within our power to change these decisions. We can be who we want to be and achieve our goals if that’s what we choose to do. Small changes may start the process and build up to larger changes when it feels safe.  It’s about getting around the barriers to change together.  Sometimes they need kicking down, sometimes we go round them and sometimes we realise that although they look like they are there, when we examine them up close, they are not there at all.

My personal takeaways from this are

• I have only one life  and I am making my own life.
• I make my own decisions and have to face the consequences of those decisions.
• I have to take ownership of our own decisions and be accountable for the actions and results.
• The power to change my life lies with me.
• With awareness I can change my life to a more meaningful and fulfilling one.
• I will not resort to luck and fate and blame others for my problems.
• All emotional difficulties in life are curable.

PRINCIPLES OF TA:

• Contract which can be an administrative one as well as a psychological contract emphasising on mutual respect ,trust and confidentiality. This enables to set expectations and goals for parties involved in TA.
• Open communication which is free of jargons and acknowledges that you and I are on equal levels.This enables mutual acceptance, respect and non- violent communication between the parties.

Yugen #21 Is it okay to be ashamed of something ?

During these days I have spend a great deal of time with myself ,thinking about my past ,incidents that have brought me happiness, fear, sadness. Things that I don’t want to talk about because  few events have brought in a feeling of experiencing  shame, an emotion not widely recognised and appreciated but best buried beneath deep layers in our mind, sealed  never to come out from our lips . Fear of being told, “ How could you do that ?” or “ You have brought shame of our family.” An invisible but subconsciously aware list of Do’s and Don’ts’s  always precede our actions.

During my school days I was ashamed that we couldn’t afford some luxuries . I had just one dress I remember so clearly, a maroon coloured china silk , knee length dress  with a little white lace  on the neck and shoulders, which I would wear to every birthday party, wedding , social events for three four years. It was a thing of beauty and happiness for me as It made me feel like a princess. On my school farewell party, a classmate remarked…I don’t remember who but what was said, till this date  makes me freeze in shame . “ You don’t have anything else to wear, you wear this same dress everywhere you go .” This took away from me the joy of the party and made me squirm inside . I was so ashamed of myself that I shed a few tears and told my mother that “Are we so poor that I cannot have another dress.”

This wasn’t the first time I felt shame. As a school going kid, staying in a lush green colony ,with friends staying in bigger quarters, I was always aware that I am different , I cannot have everything. Our summer holidays were spends idling away in our friend’s homes. I recollect a friend had a beautiful baby doll, with eyes that shut and opened with a little voice when it was pressed. Her father had picked it from abroad during one of the company sponsored trips. Everyone took turns playing with this infant baby look alike doll.  I came home and asked my mother if I could have one which was met with a refusal . When I protested loudly that I don’t get anything I want whereas  my younger kid brother’s wishes were honoured, I received a tight slap across my cheeks which had the company of my salty tears. I went back to hug my broken babu, a doll with broken hands and legs, explaining to my self ,that perhaps I don’t deserve anything new and nice. 

I grew up with no celebration of birthdays as my birthday fell closer to the end of the month where cash flow in a middle- class family with a single earning member is a challenge. During my first year at junior college I had  this urge to celebrate my birthday with a few close friends . I asked my mother for hundred rupees, a great deal of money in mid – eighties, so that we could share a thumbs up and eat vada pav in the college canteen . Again, no was the answer.

If anyone asks me a metaphor for myself today, I will probably resonate with the lotus. A lotus seed lies rock bottom on the lake ,filled with muddy, dark, mucky water. The sheer resilience allows it to grow its shoots while anchoring itself strongly on the lake bed. The urge to reach the sky and see the sunshine pushes the lotus sapling to grow on its own till it finally reaches the water surface . As time passes it grown a bud and then this bud blooms into a beautiful lotus flower ,fragrant dancing away in the breeze amidst the dark unclear waters. So has been my life ,always denied of small pleasures of life.  Till date I grave for  crayon colours and I find myself entering a bookshop and walking straight to buy my hearts content of colours , paints and sketch pens, fulfilling my childhood desires.

I also acknowledge that whilst I love gifting things to others ,I have a severe problem in receiving . I just cannot ask for things from people ,even close family members. Its as if I have to deny myself  because I am conditioned to not receiving anything from others.

As I write this, I am experiencing shame to disclose such details about my childhood , but I tell myself its okay to be ashamed ,acknowledge it and move on. I have moved on , have you ?

The dark thought, the same ,the shame, the malice,

Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each guest has been sent as a guide from beyond.                                                           —————-   RUMI