Today is a bright relatively warm and sunny day in Mumbai after a rare spell of cooler winter breeze. My usual morning routine starts with offering a small prayer of gratitude to God and wishing for a great and peaceful day ahead. Sitting down to have a cup of day, on this Monday, I read this first message on face book.
Behind every strong, independent woman lies a broken little girl who had to learn how to get back up and to never depend on anyone.
Somewhere deep inside me this touched a chord and I resonated with this sentence so much, that it took me back to all my days of struggle, not with the world but with myself. A struggle within me that made me chaotic and unable to deal with the pressures of the external world. This resulted in a lot of abrupt reactions, anger, frustration and depression due to my inability to cope and deal with the expectations of others, while playing my various roles.
What about me and my expectations from others? Did anyone try to understand that?
My memories took me back to all those random acts of kindness from unknown people ,who offered me their time and listened to my tales of pain, a friend who offered to take care of my son for a few hours so that I could rush back to work the day my maid didn’t turn up, a colleague who proactively packed a tasty meal for me, a travel friend who offered me advise and told me that I should study further if my heart so desired, a seemingly mature son who understood that I wouldn’t be able to make awesome school projects and offered help in completing the same, a spouse who understood that I was tired after long hours at work and travel and offered to cook up dinner and my mother in law who willingly took it up on herself to supervise the maids taking care of my son while he was a kid … help from all fronts.
Its only when one is open to receiving that can one enjoy and appreciate the kindness. Helping is not so much of giving, as it is also about receiving. We women suffer from this, we shy from reaching out and seeking help. We assume that asking for help is a sign of our weakness. As I am maturing, I find myself being able to easily articulate and seek help for even smaller things. I guess this is a way to build emotional connections with people. Helping is beneficial both to the giver and receiver. One must be able to help, when help is asked for or needed, with an open mind, open heart and open will and should also be able to receive help when needed and offered. Both situations require sensitivity, great understanding, empathy and above all humility. Mutual trust, genuine interest, active listening, acknowledgement of interdependence and acceptance of vulnerability are key factors that make helping such a beautiful and rewarding social experience.
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find
All the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. —— Rumi
Suparna's Yugen 