Yugen # 45 Process script and Role of drivers

Yesterday I was Clever,

So I wanted to change the world.

Today I am wise,

so I am changing myself. ——— Rumi

Process Script is the process of living or life style, which are consistent with overall life plan. Process Script refers to the patterned behaviours and responses which a person uses on a day to day or second by second basis. Berne points out that a person‘s life plan is mostly influenced by her injunctions, while life style is mostly influenced by her drivers. There are 6 script process pattern or scripty life style .

1)Until Process script :People with Until style  set  certain targets to be completed before enjoying their life. “I can’t have fun until I have finished my work.” “After I retire, I will be able to go for picnic.” “Once the children are grown up, my problems will be over and then I can enjoy“.

       Eg : I will submit the presentation and then take have dinner.

       Eg: I will work till 60 years of age and then only travel for pleasure.

     2) After Process script :People belonging to After style believe that if they enjoy today, they may have to      weep tomorrow. They are always anxious about the future, ever expecting some calamity to follow. When they start their vehicle their first thought is about the probability of an accident. When children are late from school or the spouse is late from office, their mind is burdened with the possibility of calamity.

      Eg:  Don’t laugh too much today or else you will have to cry tomorrow.

      Eg:Don’t be too happy with your papers today or else tomorrow’s exam may be tough.

      Eg:Don’t celebrate your success today ,you don’t know how long it will last ?

    3) Never process script : People with the ‘Never’ script are always running after something they do not have. They  moan ” I don’t get whatever I want most” .They cannot enjoy life though they have adequate facilities at their disposal. They never reach their goal. They never finish their tasks. Since they are not satisfied with the present life, they never to experience intimacy or enjoy sex, and never to succeed professionally.

     Eg:  Life is  tough for me, I’m constantly struggling ,as always.

     Eg:  Nothing is easily available to me, I’ve to struggle for everything.

   4)Always Process script : People who belong to the Always script bemoan” My fate is to suffer always.Why do I always get such a negative deal?” “Why does this always happen to me?”. They think living is always working and suffering. They will go from one unsatisfactory relationship, job or locality to another. They follow the  pattern, why does this always follow to me ?

   Eg: Why do I always get such horrible bosses to report to ?

   Eg: Nothing comes to me easily, I’ve to always struggle to achieve anything .

   5) Almost Type 1 process script : Such people make “all” efforts to become successful but in the end, something happens and they lose their due share Almost : Almost script says, I almost made it this time. Berne called this pattern “over and over “ as in almost1. Eg. Questions for the exams were very easy, but I could not finish satisfactorily . My job interview with that company was comfortable, but I could not conclude it well. This time I almost reached the top of the promotion list, but. “. “My son had prepared very well for exams, but he fell sick. He listens to all the lectures attentively but does not understand.

   Eg:  I prepared well for the interview but did not get the job.

   Eg:  I always plan my work well but some or other mistakes are always there.

     6)Almost Type 2 process script : Almost 2,here people feel they have not made it.They cannot remain happy with what they achieve. There are people who go on adding degree after degree to their name. People of this type, are not satisfied on getting promotions, because there are still some higher post above the promoted post. Their achievements do not make them happy.

       Eg: Its fine I did my Masters but  I will be happy when I complete my Phd.

       Eg:  Its ok to complete my studies but the real importance is getting a good job.

    7)Open ended script :this resembles the until and after scripts in having a particular cut off points after which things change. This may be lived out over and short as well as long term , the time after that point is just one big void. The motto is , once I get to a certain point in time, I won’t know what to do with myself afterwards.

       Eg: I just don’t know how to kill my time especially after both my kids have gone abroad.

       Eg: Now that I have retired from my job I don’t know how to keep myself busy.

Primary Driver	Process script
Be perfect	until
Please others	after
Be strong	never
Try hard	always
Hurry Up
Please others + try hard	Almost type 1(I almost completed it)
Please others + be perfect	Almost type 2(never satisfied, move to next target)
Please others + be perfect	Open ended

As a part of the process of TA therapy, clients are often encouraged to return to the childhood scenes in which they arrived at self-limiting decisions. Once there, the clients re-experience the scene and then relive it in fantasy in some new way that allows them to reject their old decisions and create new ones. They then design experiments so that they can practice new behaviour to reinforce their re-decision.

Breaking free from process script patterns:

Establish your main process script patterns .Take adult control to break the pattern.

For until script  : Go ahead and have fun even before you have finished the work.

For After script : Go ahead and enjoy today and enjoy tomorrow also.

For  Never script : Decide what 5 specific things  you can do to attain your want. Then do one of these things each day.

For Always script : realise that you do not have to repeat the same mistakes or persist when things are awful. Leave it and look for something new.

For Almost Type 1:Complete what you do

For Almost Type 2:  Recognise each of your own successes as you achieve it.Keep a list of your aims. Every time you achieve something strike it out of your list. Do not start something new before celebrating what you have just achieved.

Yugen # 43 Recognising games in conversations

Love is not a game of Chess,where you plan your next move,

But a game of Backgammon,where you Trust and Throw the Dice. – Rumi

Game is a series of duplex transactions which leads to a ‘switch’ and a well-defined, predictable ‘payoff’ that justifies a not-OK, or discounted (less-than) position.”.Berne defined a psychological game as “an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transaction progressing to a well-defined predictable outcome.”

Features of Game:

Games – How is it played ? Involve a Con. Con hooks up to a weakness. Weakness is a handle or a gimmick to get hold of in the respondent.eg.(fear, greed, sentimentality, irritability).After the mark is hooked, player pulls some sort of switch in order to get a payoff. Switch is followed by a moment of confusion or cross up while the mark tries to figure out what has happened to him. Both players collect their payoffs(feelings). Payoff is called a trading stamp. Game ends.Game is a series of duplex transactions which leads to a ‘switch’ and a well-defined, predictable ‘payoff’ that justifies a not-OK, or discounted (less-than) position.”Berne defined a psychological game as “an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transaction progressing to a well-defined predictable outcome.”

1. Games are repetitive :A person follows the same pattern . Each of us have our favourite games which we keep repeating irrespective of different circumstances.

• Games are played without adult awareness :  Most of the times people don’t realise that they themselves have helped set up the game. They continue to replay the game without being aware they are doing it.

• Games always end up with the players experiencing racket feelings : In a game both players are left feeling unpleasant.

• Games entail an exchange of ulterior transactions between the players: In every game there is something different happening at a psychological level from what seems to be happening at a social level. People repeat their games over and over again finding others whose games interlock with their own.

• Games always include a moment of surprise or confusion :. Here the player senses that something unexpected has happened, especially after people seemed to have changed their roles.

•  Game analysis : There are five different  ways to analyse and understand the dynamics of a game .

1. Formal game analysis – analyses the various  “advantages” of a game.
2. Drama Triangle :Focusses on racket and game positions.
3. Transactional game diagram : involves the diagnosis of ego states, including emphasis on psychological level communication.
4. Symbiosis diagram : focusses on identifying the preferred ego states of each player.
5. Formula G : describes the flow of a game, outlining the steps it will take once the initial moves are begun.

•  Advantages of games :

1. Helps to  pass the time with people.
2. Enables to main the basic life position.
3. Meet the need to acquire negative strokes.
4. Helps to confirm parental injunctions.
5. Creates pseudo intimacy.
6. Aids to mask our real and authentic feelings. Games plays out as follows:

• An opening con (C), an invite from person A to person B into the game, has to hook person B’s gimmick (G).
• When B responds (R) the game is on.
• With B hooked, person A can pull the switch (S) which sends person B into complete confusion or cross up (X).
• Once the cross up has happened then both parties can claim their payoff (P).

Game analysis using game formula  : Example

 Con : Shweta signals Anupama her desire to play a game with her( 1)nonverbal    communication(rolled up eyes & meaningful wink).(2)stating her observations to Anupama about Nisha and waits for a response from Anupama rather than telling what she already knows and asking directly for what she wants.

Gimmick : Anupama gimmick is her need to feel powerful and acceptance in the group (as a cover up for her inadequacy in work performance). She communicates the gimmick by her (1) nonverbal behaviour,(2) her loaded  suggestions and snide  remarks,(3)her immediate response to Shweta’s criticism of Nisha.

Response : Social response of feeling very important and powerful people in the clan. Sometimes this leads to lack of intimate relationships of the team members with Shweta and Anupama.

Switch : Anupama switched her role and loyalties and reveals everything to Nisha especially all the details said by Shweta behind Nisha’s back.

Cross up :Shweta experiences moment of silence, disbelief ,anger and confusion . Her ego state changes from CP to AC(Shweta feels victimised and at receiving end of Anupama’s betrayal.

Payoff :Shweta feels angry, betrayed.Anupama derives triumph and a sadistic pleasure. Nisha feels happy to gain trust of Anupama.  People are sometimes surprised when after having engaged in a pleasant stroking for a period of time, they are suddenly aware of an emotional element which is tense ,hostile, sad or unpleasant.They have been playing a game,without Adult awareness,so that the racket feeling payoff comes as a surprise.This racket feeling results from a discount either of the self or someone else.This ranges from a Victims sadness or confusion to a Persecutors anger or triumph to a rescuers concern or pity

Yugen #42 Understanding the concept of Stroke Economy in Transactional Analysis

And still after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth, ” You owe me “. Look what happens with love like that. It lights up the sky .” ———— Rumi

Definition and explanation :

The stroke economy is a concept which helps to clarify why we end up with so little warmth in our interactions and what we can do to change this. This  was created by Claude Steiner, a transactional analyst psychotherapist, in the 1960s. A stroke is a unit of recognition . If it’s a positive stroke you could see it as a little parcel of love given by one person and received by another. We all need strokes and a lot of us go to great lengths to earn them (like working too much, or being overly-nice to people, more than you really want to be). However, strokes  are free, they are easy to give, so why aren’t we all giving and receiving strokes all the time, which would make us all feel a lot better? Steiner believes that parents do this as a way of controlling children. By teaching children that strokes are in short supply ,the parents gain the position of stroke monopolist. As we grow into adults, we are unaware of this and continue to use these rules .Most adults spend our lives in a state of partial stroke deprivation.

Stroke economy is the indoctrination as children by parents about the five restrictive rules about stroking. By training children to obey these rules, parents ensure that, in a situation in which strokes could be available in a limitless supply, is transformed into a situation in which the supply is low and the price parents can extract for them is high. Knowing that strokes are essential, the child soon learns to get them by performing in ways which mother and father demand.

1. Don’t give strokes when you have to give.
2. Don’t ask for strokes when you need them.
3. Don’t accept strokes if you want them.
4. Don’t reject strokes when you don’t want them.
5. Don’t give yourself strokes.

In order to reclaim our awareness, spontaneity and intimacy, Claude Steiner urges  that we need to reject the restrictive basic training our parents imposed on us regarding stroke exchange.  As grown- ups we can re- assess these childhood decisions and change them if we want. He suggested the following.

Strokes are limitless and come free

1. Give strokes that you want to give

2. Ask for the strokes you want or need

3. Accept the strokes you get

4. Don’t accept the strokes you don’t want

5 .Stroke yourself (a lot)

Instead of stroke economy we need to go for stroke affluence .

Impact on personality : A stroke is a unit of recognition and provides stimulation to an individual. Since strokes are necessary for survival, a person will do whatever she or he thinks she/he must in order to receive the strokes needed by them. Extensive research done by  Rene Spitz and Dr. Harlow and others indicate that stimulus deprivation for prolonged periods result in adverse mental and emotional reactions, including psychosis and other impacts on personality of the child ,which becomes evident while growing up. Berne concluded that,” a biological chain may be postulated leading from emotional and sensory deprivation through apathy to degenerative changes to death.”

Stroke Power : each  stroke can be thought of as having a certain amount of stimulation power, ranging from 1 up to 100 for positive strokes perhaps to 1000 for negative strokes. Negative strokes are potentially more powerful than positive strokes. Not only can negative strokes be delivered more powerfully, but human is psychologically structured to be strongly  impacted far greatly by a negative stroke. Our instinct for survival requires that we respond to negative inputs with more immediacy and energy than we need for positive inputs. Our bodies can take only a limited amount of negative stroke. E.g., A terrorised child might faint and blank out when his circuits are overloaded and will recall only dread and tension in his mind ,gut and muscles. Therefore, strokes have different amounts of power and this is called stroke power.

Eg:    Hi suparna – 10 positive strokes

          You are doing good suparna   – 50 positive strokes

          You are stunning , with a smile and hug – 100 positive strokes.

          I don’t like your dress – 10 negative strokes

          Get lost – 100 negative strokes

          You are a loser , just like your father – 200 negative strokes

          A bad trashing in black and blue – 1000 negative strokes

Stroke Profile : A stroke profile is a device for measuring what an individual does with strokes in four different categories. Each is very important and has considerable implications for living. Generally, since people do not like to give up strokes until a replacement is assured ,it is easier to raise a lower rating than to lower a high one. When the low rating goes up, the high one will usually come down. The stroke profile  also provides clues about a person’s script since an individual’s stroking pattern both reinforces his script and provides a way to carry it out. This method is devised by Jim Mc kenna.

Give : Giving positive strokes is always welcome and essential for a healthy development of personality as long as over nurturing is avoided. If one is open to giving strokes, you will also tend to get back an equal amount of what you give. Many people want to give strokes only after others have given to them. Giving first always works better.

Eg. : You are so talented young boy !

Eg. : You are a rockstar !

Take : Taking strokes is important. One flourishes with positive strokes so accept it with gratitude. Also build the strength the accept feedback even if it is negative , as long as it is growth oriented. A freely given stroke does not obligate a response. If it feels good, take it and enjoy it, and do not look for attached strings.

Eg. : I like it when you express your love to me, it matters a lot ,thank you and I accept your comments with gratitude.

Eg.:  “I like it when you appreciate my dressing style,” said Reema.

Ask : It is ok to ask and its equally important as the ones given spontaneously. Asking for attention or love and appreciative is very important, so if it matter to you ,one must not hesitate to ask and receive strokes for emotional wellbeing.

Eg. : How am I looking in this new saree ?

Eg.; “ I am a god boy, ma ?”asked Suraj.

Self Stroke : This is when a person gives strokes to himself or herself in a very reassuring manner.

Eg: Patting one’s back, wiping the palm on the face and body during a massage.

Rejecting: You do not have to give what someone else wants. Give only what you want to give and help establish an honest stroke economy. One can reject negative strokes that you don’t like . Some positive strokes can also be rejected .eg : Being forced to eat an extra helping even when you are full.

Eg., I do not want to join the meeting today.

Eg.;   I am busy today, cannot join you for a movie tonight.

Samuels feels that “people tend to give the kind of strokes they want to receive “ people tend to take care of other people  the way they themselves would like to be taken care of. Unfortunately, they may wait for other people to read their minds and so often end up being disappointed. Hence self-stroking is very important. As grown-ups we tend to continue the adapted behaviour of not acknowledging our achievements.  In adulthood most of us are so used to belittle our own achievements to even ourselves. It is important to self-stroke  in order to feel consistently good about ourselves.

The value of strokes is also significantly affected by the source. A stroke from a casual acquaintance usually will not have as much impact as one from someone important to you, such as an employer, respected peer or lover. And regardless of who gives the stroke the ego state she uses may also make a large difference in its value.

Yugen # 41 Time Structure in Transactional Analysis

If everything around you seems dark, Look again,

You may be the Light —- Rumi

How can we structure our time to meet our needs for strokes ?

Structure hunger :We all have an inherent need of structure in our life. What we are going to do in the available time is a matter of our choice. Imagine you wake up in the morning and look forward to the day ahead. If you do not have a plan ,you will have an inner urge to reflect and make a schedule for yourself. This is called structure hunger. Structure hunger is a way to satisfy one need to structure time when no time structure is placed on a person. Time is structured to remove the pain of boredom.

Modes of structuring time : There are six modes of structuring time, each mode has a different relation to strokes. The six modes are

Withdrawal  2.Rituals  3.Pastimes  4.Activities  5.Games    6.Intimacy.

The intensity of stroking increases as we move down the list. The degree of psychological risk also         increases as we go down the list. The unpredictability of stroking tends to increase. It becomes less predictable whether we will be accepted or rejected by the other person.

1. Withdrawal :In withdrawal a person may be attentive inward and carry on a monologue in the head. This can happen in any ego state as it is difficult to predict due to lack of any external clues. It may be  ±CP, ±NP ,  ±AC  , ±NC & A.The person indulges in self strokes in both getting and giving. Withdrawal is usually safe, requires little emotional investment and does not provide stroking from others. In withdrawal  the only strokes we get are self strokes. A person who spends too much time withdrawing may become stroke deprived, lonely and depressed and in severe cases withdrawal may lead to autistic thinking.

E.g., Suparna spending some quiet time in a deep reflective mode and asking herself “what is the purpose of my life ?”.This is an example of positive self stroke.

E.g., Suparna doing her SWOT analysis sitting alone in a room,reflecting on her weaknesses and threats and she says ,” Come on ,pull up your socks ,this is not good”. This is example of negative self stroke.

• Rituals : This is a familiar social interaction that proceeds as if it were pre-programmed. As we grow up, we all learn rituals appropriate in our family culture. The art of greeting, hosting, acknowledging gratitude, making conversation with different age groups. Structurally rituals belong to Parent ego state and are performed from the Adapted child. Since this brings about a comfortable result in terms of adapting to expected norms, it is a positive AC behaviour  which may be difficult to assess due to stereotyped words, tones and gestures used in rituals. The intensity of the strokes may be low but are important as they get counted and stored in the stroke bank. There is safe ,predictable exchange of strokes which provide important maintenance strokes.

E.g.  Suparna saying :”Namaste words, tones, are you ?”. Nirmala aunty smiles at suparna and says “namaste beta, I am fine ,how about you ?”.This is example of positive stroke in ritual.

E.g., Suparna enters the lift of her office building. Liftman Raju wishes her “Good morning”. Suparna ignores Raju. This is example of negative stroke in ritual.

• Pastimes : As the name suggest, when people indulge in discussing about past time or experiences of what happened some time back, the content is not pre-programmed and is lighter more like a cocktail conversation . This light superficial conversation  is usually conducted from a Parent or Child ego state where pre judged opinions about the world are expressed. This can yield mostly positive and some negative strokes where people “sound each other out “ and can lay the foundation for games and intimacy. Pastime strokes are more intense and less predictable.

E.g.  Suparna has invited 12 women for kitty party in her house over lunch. All the women are talking about where they travelled in the past 2-3 months and laugh. This is positive stroke in pastime.

E.g., Anupama invited the women from the building for lunch to give a surprise birthday party to her mother-in-law. Some  of them talked about the covid scare and said that this lunch was not necessary. This is an example of negative stroke in pastime.

• Activities: When conversation between people are directed at achieving a specific goal instead of merely talking about it, it called an activity as the participants direct their energies towards some material outcome. The Adult  ego state is very predominant as people are focussed on here and now goals. It can also be from AC or P egostates especially  when participant follow some rules  or feedback is provided post the completion of an activity. The perception of the psychological risk can be greater depending on the activity. Strokes from activity can be both conditional positive and conditional negative. They are usually delayed strokes, given at the end of the activity for a job well or poorly done.

E.g. :  Suparna has decided to learn how to do decopage using wine bottles. She has decided to finish the decoration in three hours along with her friend Jaya.This is example of positive conditional stroke.

E.g., The team members from office sit around a round table in the meeting room, with the purpose of brainstorming. One of them claimed,”This is a stupid idea, it will not work .”.This is an example of conditional negative stroke.

•  Games : When people exchange a series of transactions and at the end of that they both feel bad, it is called a game. Their social level message sounds like an exchange of information but at a psychological level there is an ulterior transaction happening. Following  the initial invitation and a  switch  later on, it signals a game leaving with a payoff ,both people feeling offended. Games are usually played from negative AC, negative CP or negative NP but never an adult. There are intense strokes at the beginning but end with intense negative strokes for all the players. The psychological risk perceived is very great. In a game each participant shifts the responsibility for the outcome to another.

E.g. : In the kitty party Suparna proposed a short trip to Lonavala for all members. All agree and indulge in making plans. Suddenly Vimal says ,” I don’t think it’s a great idea, let’s go to Shirdi “.  Suparna feels bad that her idea is suddenly opposed and discounted. Some others join in and say that perhaps they should drop the idea totally due to covid restrictions.  Both Suparna and Vimal feel bad at the ways things have turned out.This is negative stroke as payoff.

E.g., Sush calls her boyfriend and tells him that she will slash her wrist if he decides to break up with her. Aarav feels sorry and unwillingly continues with their relationship because he is scared that sush will harm herself. Here Sush(need for love, recognition and attention) has hooked on with Aarav(need for company, friendship). She cons him into a relationship . Later she dumps him when she meets a rich guy , Anil ,who can shower her with lavish gifts. Here Aarav is left feeling miserable, Sush feels bad moving over to Anil.This is negative stroke as payoff.

• Intimacy: When people express their authentic feelings and wants to each other without censoring and secret messages, it is called intimacy. Here the social and psychological level messages are congruent and feelings expressed are  appropriate to finish the situation. The participants make it very clear to each other, as far as possible what they expect at a feeling and thinking level from each other. Intimacy is a candid child to child relationship with no games and mutual exploitation. It is set up by the adult ego states of the parties concerned, so that they understand very well their contracts and commitments with each other. Because intimacy is not pre- programmed, it is the most unpredictable of all the ways of time structuring. The outcome of intimacy must always be constructive for people concerned .The comfort and nature of strokes experienced depends on the transaction and situation. There is complete clarity made as far as possible about what we want on a feeling level and thinking level.

E.g. Shoms screamed at his mother. Suparna spoke to shom after two hours and had a very candid and frank conversation about how she felt and stated her expectations from him . In return Shoms also disclosed the reason of his displeasure. Both had a frank discussion and decided on way forward ,in an adult manner talking the situation in the here and now. At the end both Shom and his mother felt good with the outcome of the discussion. It further strengthened their bond as both has set their expectations very clearly. This is example of positive strokes .

When the source of strokes is external and not modified by stroke filter, person may engage in ritual, pastime, activity or intimacy. When the stroke filter is being used to modify the stroke, then intimacy is not present, an activity will not progress for long and a racket or game is probably occurring.When a person is in a racket or a game, the stroke filter not only alters something about the present situation,but also recycles old Parent and Child tapes involving discounted strokes from the past.

Yugen 40 Significance and classification of Strokes in Transactional Analysis

Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open ? ——- Rumi

• Definition of stroke :  A stroke is defined as a unit of recognition.(Berne,1971 )

         A stroke is a unit of attention which provides stimulation to an individual.

         A  stroke is a special form of stimulation one person gives to another.

Stimulus Hunger : We all have certain hungers that we experience according to Eric Berne. One of them is the need for physical and mental stimulation and this is called stimulus hunger. Stimulus  hunger has the same relationship to survival of  human organism as food hunger.( 1). Stimulus hunger is satisfied by stroking or recognition.

Recognition Hunger : As grownups we learn to substitute the crave of physical touch with other forms of recognition. A smile , a compliment, a frown or an insult all show us that our existence has been recognised. This need of acknowledgement by others is called recognition hunger.

Structure Hunger : Structure hunger the need to establish  a social situation within which the person can       transact with others. To satisfy this, the individual seeks social situations within which time is structured or organise for the purpose of obtaining strokes.

Experiments of strokes :(1) Babies with shriveled spines :

(1)Studies conducted by Dr. Rene Spitz & Dr. Harlow.:Dr. Rene Spitz and Dr. Harlow conducted studies on the infants in European Orphanage. Babies who were not touched, cuddled, not held and stroked soon became withdrawn and lifeless. Their spinal chord got shriveled up. Stimulation is needed for living. It is called stimulus hunger which is satisfied by stroking or recognition.

(2) Maternal Deprivation Syndrome: CASE study of SUSY:

Susy was 22 months old, not able to walk. She had low weight and was not able to even crawl. While sitting the child swings like a pendulum. Susy’s mother complains to doctor that “I am fed up with this child. What can I do?” . A woman with motherly body structure who showed love and affection to children was selected. Seven hours of care daily was given by playing with the child and looking after it with tender love. The hired mother played with Susy, touched the child, caressed her, kissed and feed her with great love. Susy improved and started walking and responding in a short span of 3 months.

        

Significance of stroke

Stroking is a positive or a negative effect of communication on any individual. Communication is an exchange or sharing of information. These communications leave positive impact on the individual whereas hateful words, scolding are the example of negative strokes. It is a way to appreciate others .this leads to positive changes in behaviours. This has huge application in counselling , education and organisations. This enhances morale of teams and motivates people to excel themselves and focus their energies towards attainment of their goals.

Classification of strokes :

1. Verbal and Nonverbal: When words are exchanged it called a verbal stroke.

Eg.    Hi, how are you doing suparna?.   Hello, long time, how have you been. we are all good.

Nonverbal strokes can be nods, waves, shaking hands and hugs.

Eg. :  “Ma, I came first in class”, exclaimed piu. Her mother gives piu a tight hug.

2.Positive and negative: A positive stroke is one in which the receiver experiences a pleasant and good feeling. The stroke lands on the receiver in a favorable way.

 Eg. :  “Wishing you the best in your exams”, says Tom to John.

 Eg.:   “You are looking gorgeous in this saree”, exclaims Tina on seeing mira in the drape.

        Both John and Mira have received positive strokes.

 A negative stroke is one which is unpleasant, painful, hurtful and leaves one feeling upset.

Eg.:    “You are a pain in the neck, seeing you increases my blood pressure “, said boss to team member.

Eg.:     “You are so ugly, nothing looks good on you”, said mother to Tia.

      Here both the team member and Tia were left feeling painful after receiving the negative stroke.

       Any kind of stroke is better than no stroke.

3.Conditional and Unconditional: A conditional stroke relates to what you do. An unconditional stroke relates to what you are.

1. Positive Conditional Stroke (+C): Doing / Performance. This is positive when it lands on the receiver and is subject to the receiver doing an activity.

Eg.:       I like working with you, you are so creative in your approach.

        You presentation to the clients was very impressive today.

        I like your MIS report, it is error free.

        You cleaned your room today, so you are a good girl.

2.Positive Unconditional Stroke (+UC):  Being / Person. This leaves the receiver feeling pleasant and is not based on the person doing an activity. It is more directed to the person, for what he or she is.

 Eg. : You are such an inspiration to me.         

       You are my role model  .

          I enjoy your company.

3. Negative Conditional Stroke (-C):  Doing / Performance. This leaves the receiver feeling unpleasant and is subject to the receiver doing or not doing a particular activity.

Eg.:   I don’t like it when you get less marks in exams.

        You are late to work today and so irresponsible

         I don’t like the suit you are wearing.

         You made so many mistakes in this email, you are an idiot.

4.Negative Unconditional Stroke (-UC):  Being / Person. This is directed to the person and is not subject to any activity or performance of the person.

 Eg. .   I hate you.    

           You are worthless.   

           You are a loser in life.      

          You suck.

Categories of  Strokes :

1.Plastic stroke: Not genuine. These are insincere positive strokes which sound fake and the speaker does not actually mean what is said. Eric Berne called them gum drops, marshmallow throwing and plastic strokes.

Eg.  I read your blogs and feel so inspired by your writings. I remind myself that I too should start writing.

2.Counterfeit stroke: Sounding positive and stroking with a negative sting. These always start with a positive note and then a negative comment takes it all away.

Eg.     You did that well, more or less.

         I am impressed that you managed to complete the report on time, so unlike you.

         You look gorgeous when you make an attempt to dress well.

         You are capable only when you put your mind to it.

3.Self Stroke: Appreciating oneself enhances one’s self esteem and goes a long way to accepting oneself.

Eg.    I love my beautiful smile.

        I am gorgeous.

        I am a great presenter.

        I am a rockstar.

4. No Stroke: Ignoring the presence of a person by not responding at all.

Eg. Seema met Lara in the park, face to face but chose to ignore her and crossed the road without acknowledging her greeting.

5. Internal stroke: stroke from nature, Happy memories, fantasies etc.

Eg.: stroking plants and pets, watering plants, gardening, enjoying memories of travel.

Other concepts of stroke

1.Stroke Filter: Ignore or belittle stroke that does not fit in the stroke quotient. These are strokes based on mental filters that people wear unconsciously through which they allow a few strokes to reach them and reject others while distorting some.

Eg :  Tia thinks she is intelligent but not a beautiful girl. So out of her conscious awareness Tia tends to    ignore strokes related to beauty while accepting one’s that are related to intelligence.

2.Stroke quotient: Museum of our favorite positive or negative strokes.

3. Stroke Bank: Collection of positive strokes as memory and store in bank, used /Credit Bank for its own pleasure. Whenever we get strokes, we accept the strokes and also store them away in a bank. We can go back to our memory and recollect these strokes for self-stroke. However, they lose effectiveness on reusing frequently.

4.Stroke Pattern: Pattern of dealing of different types of strokes giving & accepting and rejecting, asking etc. This is usually adopted from family background.

Eg:  In some families they do not encourage showing positive appreciation and the child learns to stop      expressing positive strokes.

Yugen 39 Bernian Theory of Transactions and its Types

Those sweet words we shared between us,

the vault of heaven has concealed in its heart.

One day they will pour down like rain,

and our secrets will germinate

in this soul of this universe —- Rumi

(A) Definition :Communication between people always takes the form of transactions. Transactions is a basic unit  of social discourse consisting of a transactional stimulus and a transactional response. We can use the ego state model to analyse transactions and what goes on during the process of communication. Transactions can be  parallel, cross or ulterior.

(B) Types of transactions :

COMPLEMENTARY TRANSACTIONS

A transaction is complementary when someone aims a phrase, gesture or action at another person’s and that person replies in the same ego state, as parent, Adult or Child. When 2 people meet there are actually 6 ego states and 9 complementary transactionsinvolved in the conversation.E.g. . PP-critical gossip, AA- solving a problem, CC/PC – Playing together. Some examples are given below from my experiences.

A-A        Stimulus :   Can someone define Ego ?

               Response:  TA is a theory of personality.

Key :      rather unemotional exchange between individuals

P-P         Stimulus : Millennials look terrible in long hair and torn jeans.

               Response: Yes, they do, they don’t respect anything.

Key :      judgements made in general statements and slogans, in absentia

C-C        Stimulus : I like your dress.

               Response: I think you dress is really pretty.

Key :      expression of joy and openness

C-P        Stimulus : Ma can we order pizza for dinner today ?

              Response : Okay, let’s do pizza today

P(CP)-C   Stimulus : Go and have your bath, you are full of dirt and  sweat.

                Response : I want dinner first ,I am hungry.

P(NP)- C    Stimulus : You are so obedient .

                   Response : a big grin (non-verbal)

                                                       

        C) Crossed transactions :

A communication where stimulus and response are crossed and broken off, operate from different ego states is called crossed transaction. There are 72 types of crossed transaction .The four most commonly occurring one are

Type I :    AA-CP      Transference reaction ,responsible for maximum troubles.

Type II  :  AA-PC      Counter Transference reaction

Type III :  CP-AA     Exasperating response

Type IV:   PC-AA     Impudence

Type I Crossed Transaction-Transference : Transference happens in both Type I and Type II .                                                   

Transference occurs when a person redirects some of their feelings or desires for another person to an entirely different person. One example of transference is when you observe characteristics of your father in a new boss. You attribute fatherly feelings to this new boss. They can be good or bad feelings. In 1905, Freud first mentioned the concept of transference literally “carrying over” of past psychological experience which is inappropriate to the present situation or relationship. Transference has to do with certain feelings a client can have towards a therapist, an employee towards a boss, student to a teacher etc. It’s similar to projection. Projection is a feeling you have from yourself that you project on to somebody else.

What is the difference between projection and transference?

Projection is a belief or assumption that others have similar thoughts and experiences as oneself while transference is the process by which emotions and desires, originally associated with one person, such as a parent, are unconsciously shifted to another.

AA—PC, Type II Counter transference reaction:

An unreasonable dislike for the client or excessive positive feelings about the client. Becoming over-emotional and preoccupied with the client’s case between sessions. Dreading the therapy session or feeling uncomfortable during the session. What do you do when you experience countertransference?

If a therapist is experiencing countertransference with their client, they should do the following.

1. Recognize it. Countertransference can easily happen no matter how seasoned a mental health provider is or how long they have been in the field.
2. Consult with Colleagues.  
3. Self-Care.
4. Refer Your Client Out.

Type III : Exasperating Transaction:

Wife: I have been suffering from fever since morning. Now I am feeling uneasy.

Husband: Medicine for fever is available in the cupboard.

CP—AA Type III   exasperating response -where someone wants sympathy, but gets facts instead

Type IV : Smart Alec/Impudence Transactions:

Father: Don’t play now. Go and study.

Son: Physical exercises make our mind healthy. I shall play now for some time.

PC—AA Type IV impudence -expects compliance but gets smart aleck in the form of factual statement

(D)Ulterior Transactions:

 In an ulterior transaction more than two Ego states are involved and there are two level transactions ,Social as well as Psychological which are not congruent. Usually, the social level content is adult-adult and psychological message is parent -child or child-parent. There are two Types of Ulterior Transactions: Angular and Duplex.

Ulterior Duplex Transaction: A social message overlies a psychological level exchange between P and C (less often C-C or P-P) is called a duplex transaction .There are 6480 types of duplex transactions. Out of these 6 are commonly significant (AA-AA) +(CC-CC), (AA-AA) +(PP-PP), (AA-AA) +(PC-CP), (PP-PP) +(CC-CC), (AA-AA) +(CA-CA), (AA-AA) +(PA-PA).

Ulterior Angular Transaction :Here I may address you with a social level stimulus from Adult to Adult. But my secret message is from my Adult to your Child. I hope you will take my invitation and come back with a child response.

Successful: When the Child responds to Adult. There are 18 successful angular transactions

Unsuccessful: Adult maintains control and the response is from the Adult. There are 18 types of unsuccessful Angular transactions.

(E)Other special types of transactions :

Carom Transactions:  Directed from A to B but hoping to influence C who Can overhear it. 

Tangential Transactions: Response is at a tangent.Eg:A.” Who broke the glass”? B “It was broken long back.”

Discounting Transactions: A to B but B Ignores the Stimulus and makes a third unconcerned statement.                                        

Gallows Transactions: Despite the fact that person is facing and moving to his end, he is smiling and is

 called  Gallows laughter. When somebody responds with laughter towards the person, and is  then called    Gallows Transaction.

Bulls eye Transactions: One in which the stimulus addresses all the three Ego states.

(G) Significance and application of transactions :

One can decide how to manage the transactions in order to maintain a smooth parallel flow of exchange. As Stephen Karpman developed the idea that we can choose to transact in whatever way we like. He said “ the object is to change what is going on and get free in whatever way you can .” By studying and noticing the subtle as well as changes in voice, tone and body language, one can predict where the conversation is going and which ego state is the speaker and receiver operating from. It is predictive as well as gives indication of remedial action like changing the ego state during the transaction  can help.

Rules of Communication:

First Rule: As long as transactions remain complimentary, communication can continue indefinitely.

Second Rule: When a transaction is crossed, a break in communication results and one or both individuals will need to shift ego in order for communication to be re-established.

Third Rule: The behavioral outcome of an ulterior transaction is determined at the psychological and not at the social level.