Yugen # 17 Help

Today is a bright relatively warm and sunny day in Mumbai after a rare spell of cooler winter breeze. My usual morning routine starts with offering a small prayer of gratitude to God and wishing for a great and peaceful day ahead. Sitting down to have a cup of day, on this Monday, I read this first message on face book.

Behind every strong, independent woman lies a broken little girl who had to learn how to get back up and to never depend on anyone.

Somewhere deep inside me this touched a chord and I resonated with this sentence so much, that it took me back to all my days of struggle, not with the world but with myself. A struggle within me that made me chaotic and unable to deal with the pressures of the external world. This resulted in a lot of abrupt reactions, anger, frustration and depression due to my inability to cope and deal with the expectations of others, while playing my various roles.

What about me and my expectations from others? Did anyone try to understand that?

My memories took me back to all those random acts of kindness from unknown people ,who offered me their time and listened to my tales of pain, a friend who offered to take care of my son for a few hours so that I could rush back to work the day my maid didn’t turn up, a colleague who proactively packed a tasty meal for me, a travel friend who offered me advise and told me that I should study further if my heart so desired, a seemingly mature son who understood that I wouldn’t be able to make awesome school projects and offered help in completing the same, a spouse who understood that I was tired after long hours at work and travel and offered to cook up dinner and my mother in law who willingly took it up on herself to supervise the maids taking care of my son while he was a kid …  help from all fronts.

Its only when one is open to receiving that can one enjoy and appreciate the kindness. Helping is not so much of giving, as it is also about receiving. We women suffer from this, we shy from reaching out and seeking help. We assume that asking for help is a sign of our weakness. As I am maturing, I find myself being able to easily articulate and seek help for even smaller things. I guess this is a way to build emotional connections with people. Helping is beneficial both to the giver and receiver. One must be able to help, when help is asked for or needed, with an open mind, open heart and open will and should also be able to receive help when needed and offered. Both situations require sensitivity, great understanding, empathy and above all humility. Mutual trust, genuine interest, active listening, acknowledgement of interdependence and acceptance of vulnerability are key factors that make helping such a beautiful and rewarding social experience.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find

All the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.   ——   Rumi

Yugen # 14 – A New Year Begins…

Photo by Tobias Bjørkli on Pexels.com

A New year begins…

In mid-December 2019, while travelling back from a client’s place after a great week of learning with a bunch of new recruits, my co-trainer and I had a rather unfortunate head-on collision with another car. This was on the highway and both cars were racing over 100 kms per hour. The impact of the collision was so bad that the other vehicle did a 360 degrees skid on the highway, not to mention that both cars were badly damaged. Both of us were in a state of shock but we had to quickly recover to save our driver from being beaten up by the mob.

My friend, myself and the driver did not have a single scar on us. Such is the power of prayers and miracles of the universe.  Hugely shaken by the impact, I couldn’t believe we were still alive. Once flaming tempers lowered and the mob settled down to have a conversation rather than the initial fistful display of masculine adrenaline rush, our next task was to immediately flag down a passing vehicle, on the highway to hitch a ride to the airport to catch our flight.  I did not dare to inform my immediate family for fear of causing anxiety and waited till I reached home.

Two traumatised women, one physically battered driver, an out of shape vehicle on the highway in mid-afternoon surrounded by a mob …. can be quite a scene. A lot of gratitude to the universe for keeping us alive and kicking and lots of prayers for all the help from the almighty.

A couple driving an SUV stopped and offered us help and drop to the airport. Such was the warmth, care and genuine concern displayed that it helped us come to our senses and calmed down our rattled nerves. We then started talking in the car to help ease out any remains of nervous energy.

Kavita Sharma and Mr Sharma, I dedicate this article to you for your random act of kindness which was so spontaneous and authentic.

The universe is sending me a message that all is not done yet and I have a lot to do in life. Work, family, travel, friends and society at large …lots to be done.

As 2020 unfolds I’ve resolved to write an article on the various words that define virtue that guides us to lead a life of high moral standards, inspired by my favourite poet. I seek to

BE A LAMP,

A LIFEBOAT,

A LADDER.

HELP SOMEONE’S SOUL HEAL.

WALKOUT OF YOUR HOUSE LIKE A SHEPHERD.                   ——- RUMI

Yugen # 11 @ Learning to Live

How about looking at life from a different place than most of us see it every day. A healthier place! A place filled with love, courage, humour, abundance and openness. A place that is more sensible and sensitive to other people’s feelings and emotions.

There is a subtle truth, whatever you love, you are       – Rumi

Just look around you; you see people running all the time to reach their destination; always in a hurry, heads looking down on their cell phones like an addicted individual.  There is just no time for any interaction, conversations, exchange of words, FACE TO FACE.  Are we using technology to help us simplify our life or are we already victims to technology and let the latter control our lives completely.

We are so busy and wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, a good car, a comfortable home, busy paying off our loans.  We are so mechanically involved in doing millions of little tasks to just KEEP OUR LIFE GOING. We don’t get into the habit of taking a pause and reflecting, looking at our lives and saying,

IS THIS WANT I FROM LIFE?

IS THAT ALL?

AM I HAPPY?

IS SOMETHING MISSING IN MY LIFE?

Do you take care of others or take care of your inner child? Do you seek success or seek simplicity?

Ultimately when we grow old, grey and frail, it is the love of people and friends we have around us that keep us going.  It is the loving relationships that maintain us. We don’t need speech or hearing to feel that love between people.  Just holding hands is enough to let a lot of love pass between caring people. It is all about having a group of people to share your joys, sorrows and experiences.

People are so lonely today, they have no one to share their pain with ….

People seek hope, a show of affection, communication and warmth

Love is the energizing elixir of the universe,

 The cause and effect of all harmonies             –      Rumi

 

 

Yugen 10 # Conversations

I often wonder that in a situation of conflict, why do both the sides don’t simply communicate with each other and solve their problems?

The garden of the world has no limits, except in your minds.  –  Rumi

It is important to know when to stop taking out the garbage. The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love and to let it come in. The problem is we think we do not deserve love and we fear that if we let it in, we’ll become too soft and vulnerable.

On the other extreme silence has a huge impact on human relations. We are very uncomfortable and embarrassed by silence and hence seek comfort in all the noise. Our society has such a shortage of compassion, which is actually a cleansing rinse of human kindness.

We love to dwell and seek comfort in self – pity, regret and self – blame. It is absolutely okay to reflect and allow a little self – pity and shed a few tears; but one needs to move on. I know so many people who spend many of their waking hours feeling sorry for themselves, being over critical of their past actions and in extreme cases getting into a depressive state.

The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships. People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.   –   Rumi

Life is similar to playing a game of trust fall where you are blind folded and face a wall and fall backwards relying on someone else to catch you. The magic lies in closing the eyes and that makes all the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, so you have to believe what you feel. I read in a book, that if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too – even when you are in the dark, even when you are falling.

Life is all about showing affection, communication and warmth. Unfortunately, connections and conversations have taken a different turn in this technological age. We are so used to being short changed with real conversations, so used to getting by with less that we have become almost ready to dispense with people altogether.  We connect more and more but, in the process, have set ourselves up to be isolated. Can technology substitute for real people? Gone are those days when family members would sit together for meals and have actual conversations: meaningful, compassionate, loving and concerned conversation.

 Don’t let your ears listen to what your eyes didn’t witness.

Don’t let your mouth speak what your heart doesn’t accept  – Rumi