Yugen #32 – Coping with Loss

Your Body is away from me,

But there is a window open

From my heart to yours                          ————-   Rumi

The year 2020 and 2021 has been a very tricky one for most of us. We never envisaged that one has to face and deal with loss and grief of such huge proportions in the last few decades post the Spanish flu, the great Bengal famine and the two world wars. Today as we crawl towards a new normal life, one has become more wiser and reflective thanks to all the time we had to ourselves confined in closed spaces, to think about our purpose and what does life have in store for me ?

Today the corporate world is facing a new challenge – the  great resignation syndrome ? But what has triggered thi? People have become more aware of the meaning of life and what intimacy actually means. With sudden loss of near and dear ones, the inability to say fond good byes, the travel restrictions coming in the way to accompany the person in their final journeys and many more such activities that we just took for granted have started hitting us hard. We want to make the most of what we are left with, live in the moment for we do not know what lies ahead of us.

People are coping with loss in various ways. For some the daily 9 to 5 routine for money is no more appealing .They are increasingly questioning the value of time, the value of their relationships at home and work, their identity and self- esteem.

Do I feel loved ?

Do I feel wanted?

Do I feel respected for what I do ?

Any place that does not provide answers in the affirmative, home or work, is today a small trigger to say a goodbye to a bond that is no longer serving its purpose of mutual needs. I see more and more youngsters quitting their jobs to take up freelance assignments and happy to travel for months in nomadic existence. People around me have become so simple in their existence and demands of personal needs. Less is more today. People  are more accepting of frugal means of living. Materialistic forms of self-gratification for many have taken a back seat and they prefer to spend money on experiences, living through travel, gardening, loving pets, social causes etc. The ethos of society is probably moving more towards humanity and compassion post the pandemic…which incidentally is still not over.

Post the wars its only now that we had to deal with loss of various kinds

Loss of social contact due to lockdowns

Loss of personal spaces due to work from home norms

Loss of movement due to travel restrictions

Loss of  lives due to covid

Loss of identity due to remote working

Loss of personal security due to increased anxiety

Loss of wealth due to economy slowdown

Loss of expression especially for children forbidden to play in parks and sports grounds

Loss of peace and security due to living with unknown future

Loss of love within family members unable to express physical touch due to distance

Loss of friendships due to death ,separation, distance

Loss of relationships especially for working professionals who miss the casual conversations over tea breaks.

Moving from denial to acceptance(DABDA ,refer Kubler Ross grief curve) has been a huge transformational journey for most of us.

Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes.

Because for those who love with their heart and soul

There is no such thing as separation.                            Rumi

Yugen # 31 Falling in love with Loneliness

There is a difference between Loneliness and Solitude,

One will empty you and one will fill you.

You have the power to choose.       —   Rumi

If you are afraid to be alone, it means you’re afraid of your thoughts. There is always a particular thought that triggers any stressful feeling. It could be you thinking of something that you don’t have and thus you tend to give yourselves a lot of discomfort. So do you always believe what you think? The way out is  to always question your thoughts and question the thoughts behind your unhappiness. The unspoken belief is that unless people approve of me, I’m worthless , useless and unsuccessful. We tend to see and evaluate our existence based on the judgements given by others. This constant need to seek love, attention, admiration and approval is the main reason of a feeling of emptiness within us. Its only when you learn to be comfortable with yourself will you admire the power of silence and solitude.

During testing times of the pandemic, the world is trying to deal with grief and loss. Unable to make social connections, many are driven to confinement and loneliness. How does one learn to deal with this? The essence of existence is then to accept and start being comfortable with loneliness and this demands that we start getting comfortable with ourselves first.

A season of loneliness and isolation is when a catepillar gets its wings    Mandy Hale

A deep introspection of these questions may help you.

WHO AM I ?  

Ask yourself this question over and over again . Dig deeper into yourself and peel the outer layers of your personality just like how we peel the layers of an onion to reach the inner core. This is your  true self. Accept and acknowledge it, only then will you be comfortable with yourself. You can cut all the clutter and noise and the silence will  no longer invoke fear or depression but a gentle wave of joy and peace will surround you.

So, do you tend to associate your identity to your profession or your relationships status ? Have you discovered something more about yourself ? Did this lead you to recollect and rekindle a part of you that lay hidden beneath the sheets of societal and parental conditioning. How do I treat myself ? Do I pity myself? Do I see myself as a victim of my circumstances? The crucial  part is that our mind gets stuck  and we need to push ourselves to find reasons to move ourselves out of this rut.

If you’ve ever felt lonely before, you know just how badly it can hurt. Scientists have even called loneliness an epidemic due to how widespread and severe the isolation can seem in our modern way of living. We all have feelings of being alone in this world from time to time, but we can learn valuable lessons through the seemingly unbearable pain. The next time you feel lonely remember

“When you are evolving to your higher self, the road seems lonely. But you’re simply shedding energies that no longer match the frequency of your destiny.” – Unknown

Its your road and yours alone. Other may walk it along with you, but no one can walk it along with you.