“Do I really matter to others ?”
“Does it matter if I matter to others ?”
This thought just crossed my mind today and I have often thought about it during these days of lockdown and being confined to my house.
What a realisation this has been for me . I keep doing the work at home, work from home and work for everyone at home without perhaps anyone realising the significance of what I am going through to put up with this multitasking energy draining chores if I may call it. I ask myself whether I cease to matter anymore to anyone. My so-called intimate friends and close family members have not even bothered to keep in touch or ask about my wellbeing. So why does it really matter that I no longer matter to a few people.
I had a very beautiful experience when my neighbour just called to find out if I was fine as she saw a heap of bills just outside the door. We were travelling and were out of city limits when the lockdown was announced and hence put up in the twin city . I cannot tell you how much love I experienced at that moment. Just the thought that I mattered to her made my day and she took the trouble to call and find out about my whereabouts touched me deeply. Something deep within shifted for me. Post my participation in a discussion of circle with members of different culture, I spend some time to deep dive and some random thoughts emerged for me .
What makes me matter to people ?
What Matters Most?
Is it important to matter to someone ?
Do I matter to myself ?
Do I matter to others the way I matter to myself ?
Why does it matter to me if I don’t matter to somebody ?
What happens to me when I don’t matter to some ?
What can I do to matter to my friends and family ?
Do I tell people that they matter to me deeply ?
The last one left me pondering for some time and I realised that If someone mattered to me I would take the lead to let them know that I Value them deeply in my life, they matter tremendously and I would urge them to take care to themselves.
I guess answers to the above questions are more about the significance and relevance of the existence of myself and others . Also, it would be a reflection of Being and Doing.
What would people say that I did that mattered after I pass away ?
I AM YOURS. DON’T GIVE MYSELF BACK TO ME .
IF YOU FIND ME NOT WITHIN YOU,YOU WILL NEVR FIND ME.
FOR I HAVE BEEN WITH YOU, FROM THE BEGINNING OF ME . – Rumi
Suparna's Yugen 